Boundaries

Personal Boundaries: Because You’re Not a Doormat (Nor Should You Be)

1. You have every right to your personal boundaries — own them.

Your boundaries are like your personal bouncer: they decide who or what gets into the VIP lounge of your life. Without them, you’re essentially letting any old riff-raff wander in and nick your sense of self-worth. People who have flimsy boundaries themselves are often the worst culprits for stomping all over other people’s — funny that, isn’t it? So, be crystal clear about what you will and won’t tolerate. Set the rules, and be prepared to actually follow through. Otherwise, you’re just issuing empty threats — and nobody takes those seriously, not even your cat.

2. Other people’s needs aren’t automatically more important than yours.

Yes, even your partner. Even your boss. Even that friend. Putting yourself first sometimes isn’t selfish — it’s survival. When you take care of your own needs, you’re actually modelling healthy behaviour for those around you (who knew?). You’re showing the family how to contribute, not just consume. It’s the whole “put your own oxygen mask on first” thing — because you’re not much use to anyone if you’re lying flat out on the floor gasping.

3. Learn to say ‘no’ without writing a novel to justify it.

We Brits love a good polite excuse, but sometimes “no” is a full sentence. You’re not being mean; you’re being sensible. You’re allowed to prioritise your own wellbeing without making a six-page PowerPoint presentation to defend your decision. Constantly sacrificing your own needs to please others isn’t noble — it’s a fast-track ticket to burnout, resentment, and passive-aggressive sighing.

4. Know your dealbreakers — and communicate them.

Take note of the things that make you want to scream into a pillow. Those are your red lines. If someone crosses them, don’t just smile politely while internally plotting their demise. Tell them. Calmly. Firmly. Kindly, even. You’re allowed to say when someone’s behaviour makes you uncomfortable. You’re allowed to ask for space. You’re allowed to just be your fabulous, flawed self without morphing into what others expect you to be.

5. Stay in your ‘adult’.

In other words, keep it classy, not sassy. Aim to be clear and composed rather than overly emotional or defensive. You don’t need to justify yourself with lengthy explanations or heightened emotion, just express your boundaries with confidence and calm. A steady respectful time tone, like that of a kind but form teacher, often communicates more effectively than frustration or withdrawal.

6. Trust yourself — you know you best.

At the end of the day, you are the expert on you. Don’t hand over your life decisions to anyone else, no matter how confident they seem (including your mother-in-law). Healthy boundaries allow you to own your strengths and quirks, and to let others do the same. Things get messy when we start playing the victim, the rescuer, or the one who needs constant saving. Spoiler alert: none of these roles end well.