Surviving the two week wait

The stress of the two week wait – Nicola Headley

The TWGGE 2 week wait survival guide

Here’s your Worst Girl Gang Ever Two Week Wait Survival Guide. No fluff. No toxic positivity. Just pure battle strategy.

1. Accept that you are no longer rational. 

The moment ovulation happens, you lose your grip on reality. That is normal. You will think everything is a symptom. You will Google things you swore you wouldn’t. Accept the madness. Wear it like armour.

2. Ban the early tests.

Do not, I repeat, do not start peeing on sticks at 7 days past ovulation. You know you will. Don’t. They will gaslight you. They’ll show you ghost lines. You’ll stare at them like they hold important secrets. Hide the tests. Give them to that no bullshit, tough love friend. The fear of having to ask for them will stop you.

3. Distract or self-destruct, your choice.

Either plan military-level distractions or accept that you’re going to binge eat carbs and spiral on fertility forums. Both are valid. Just pick a lane and own it.

4. Invent a hobby you don’t care about.

Start something new and pointless. Knitting. Puzzle-building. sudoku. If you fail at it, who cares. If you get obsessed, great. Either way, it eats time.

5. Avoid anyone who says relax.

Block, mute, delete. The words “just relax” are a declaration of war. Protect your peace at all costs.

6. Prepare your meltdown outfit.

Whether it’s tears of disappointment or shock at seeing two lines, you’re going to need a uniform. Joggers. Hoodie. Chocolate. Wine or ginger tea depending on results. Be ready.

7. Have your breakdown playlist queued up.

You’re either crying happy tears or ugly sobs. You need a soundtrack that can do both.

8. Practice your ‘I’m fine’ face.

You will be asked how you’re doing. If you don’t want to share, practice the dead-eyed nod and the tight smile. People won’t know whether to comfort you or leave you alone. Perfect.

8. Get a dog*

9. Remember: You are not alone.

Everyone in the gang has sat in this chair. We get it. We’re screaming with you. Whisper it like a mantra: This is brutal, but I’m still here. 

There you go. Print it. Frame it. Live it. Remember, you’ve got this and we’ve got you.

*If you get a dog, remember it’s for life, not just for TTC