Our worth was never tied to our ability to carry a pregnancy

Written by Davina Scrimshaw

•

November 11, 2026

Our worth was never tied to our ability to carry a pregnancy Image

Three years ago today, I was posting a pregnancy announcement. Now, I sit with memories that hold both joy and deep grief.

No one really talks about life after loss. About how when we lost our babies, we didn’t just lose “some cells” or “a bit of tissue”—we lost futures. We lost them. And the second time it happened, we also lost hope. I lost myself.

The moment we saw those two pink lines, everything changed.

We started rearranging our lives in our heads—when I’d stop working, how we’d make one income work during maternity leave, what kind of community we wanted to raise our child in. It was all happening in our hearts before anything even showed on the outside.

Our first loss was at 10 weeks and 5 days. The second, around 6 weeks. And honestly, the time between then and now is a blur. Because healing hasn’t been gentle—it’s been hard, heavy work.

No one tells you how painful it is to be surrounded by pregnancy announcements when yours ended in silence.

That the friends or family you were once excited to be pregnant with suddenly become walking reminders of what you lost. That you can hold happiness for them and feel a heavy jealousy at the same time—and that both are valid.

No one prepares you for the shame or the anger you feel at your own body. Or the guilt that creeps in, whispering that maybe it’s your fault.

We grow up in a world that has taught women that we’re “meant” to do this—to carry, to birth, to mother. So what happens when your body doesn’t cooperate?

The guilt is unbearable. You start to question your worth.

But I know now: our worth was never tied to our ability to carry a pregnancy. Our strength, our love, our womanhood—it’s all still here. And I’m learning to hold space for both the love and the loss.

If you’re walking through this too—please know you’re not alone.

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