Pregnancy After Loss: Coping With PAL Anxiety and Caring for Yourself

When Seeing Those Two Magic Lines Doesn’t Solve It All

When you’re going through fertility challenges, pregnancy loss, or a long and exhausting journey of trying to conceive, the only thing you can focus on is the end goal: finally being pregnant. After my miscarriage and a difficult IVF process, the thought of seeing those two lines again became my beacon of hope. I believed that reaching that goal would erase all the heartbreak and bring nothing but happiness.

Fast forward to that long-awaited moment: yes, I was pregnant again. But instead of pure joy, I was consumed by fear and anxiety.

Of course, I was thrilled to be expecting. But it was being pregnant again– with the memory of my first pregnancy ending in loss still so fresh – that made every day feel like an eternity. Time dragged as I counted down to the dreaded eight-week mark, the point at which I had previously miscarried. On top of that, IVF meant I still had to give myself daily hormone injections throughout the first trimester. Some days were so overwhelming I couldn’t even get off the sofa to walk my dog.

Gentle Tips if You’re Navigating PAL

If you are currently on this rollercoaster journey, I want you to know one thing first: nothing is wrong with you. Not feeling pure joy 24/7 during pregnancy is absolutely no reflection of whether you will be a good mom.

Here are a few things that helped me get through my own PAL journey:

• Take it one milestone at a time. Breaking pregnancy into smaller steps – whether that’s making it to the next scan, surpassing the week you previously miscarried, or simply getting through the next day – can make it feel more manageable.
• Prioritise your feelings. PAL can be hard for your loved ones too – your partner or parents may still be grieving the first loss. But right now, your energy is precious. It’s okay to explain that you don’t have the capacity to carry their feelings in addition to your own.
• Set boundaries with apps, social media, and conversations. If certain content or questions trigger anxiety, it’s okay to step back or say no.
• Make space for rest and self-compassion. The combination of exhaustion, treatments, and emotions is heavy. Allowing yourself to slow down is not weakness, it’s survival.
• Release the guilt. Feeling scared, detached, or less than joyful does not mean you’re ungrateful or unexcited to become a mom. It means you are human, navigating something incredibly hard.

The Weight of Guilt

Out of all of the above, guilt was the hardest for me to carry:

• Guilt for not feeling unfiltered joy after longing for a pregnancy for SO long.
• Guilt toward other women still in the thick of TTC.
• Guilt toward my family and friends.
• But mostly, guilt toward myself.

In a desperate attempt to cope, I tried every pregnancy app I could find. But instead of comfort, I found content that was painfully triggering. Blueberry size comparisons might be cute for some, but they didn’t help me when all I could think about was the fear of seeing blood again every time I went to the bathroom.

Creating What I Wish I’d Had

That’s when I made a huge decision: I quit my stable corporate job to create Carea – the pregnancy and postpartum app I wish I had during my darkest days.

Carea focuses on you, the mom, no matter your journey. Whether you conceived easily, went through IVF, or experienced loss before, Carea provides tailored, inclusive support that addresses both physical and mental health- and most importantly removes triggers for anyone navigating pregnancy after loss.

Now, as I watch my 1.5-year-old rainbow baby running around, I feel like I’ve come full circle. I get to pour my energy into something I’m deeply passionate about: helping other women feel supported during pregnancy and beyond.

Unfortunately, gaps in care for women during pregnancy and postpartum still exist worldwide. My hope is that Carea can be your in-pocket midwife and therapist – offering tools, resources, and a supportive community to make the journey just a little easier.

With love,
Anastasia xx

P.S. You can find more information about Carea (including app store download links) on our website: www.careaapp.com.