I’m not a medical professional but I knew something wasn’t right

The saying mother knows best has always been something I’ve attached myself to, as my own mother always knows best. In my situation I knew something was wrong but was made to feel like I was just an anxious first-time mum. I had a very turbulent pregnancy and visited the EPU a couple of times due to bleeding, and was found to have a subchorionic hematoma

On Tuesday 23rd January I had pain in my lower bump, and was being violently sick, struggling to keep down any fluids. At around 11pm I noticed I was bleeding. We went straight to emergency gynaecology and I explained my symptoms and they asked me to do a urine sample. I explained the pain and that I was bleeding and the sickness was different to the sickness I had previously. Due to the serve dehydration, I was unable to provide much of a sample. The Dr came back and explained I had signs of a potential infection and that they would give me antibiotics to treat it. I again explained about the bleeding and how the pain was different from a UTI. The Drs response “I’m 99.9% sure that your baby is ok and the blood isn’t coming from the baby and it’s because of the infection”. I was sent home to rest and take the antibiotics. I’m not a medical professional but I knew something wasn’t right but I felt I was wasting their time, especially being told by another member of staff that most first-time mums are anxious. My mum wanted me to stay in and be monitored but she didn’t want to undermine the staff on the ward.

A year on I can’t stop seeing that image and feeling so scared and helpless. I was on my own

The next evening the pain became a lot worse, my partner was working away in Italy so I was on my own. I didn’t want to bother anyone after being told everything was ok and it was normal to be anxious. That night after trying to soothe the pain with a bath at 12.30 I felt a pop and I thought I had wet myself, within minutes my little baby was born on my bathroom floor. Our baby was alive when born but due to how early it was, stopped moving and breathing within minutes.

A year on I can’t stop seeing that image and feeling so scared and helpless. I was on my own, unable to get to my phone. I just screamed for help hoping a neighbour would hear me. I finally managed to crawl to my phone holding my baby who was still attached by the cord. I was able to call my parents and then 999. My mum with the guidance of the call handler helped me deliver the after birth, there was a lot of blood. I continued to lose blood and felt very weak. An ambulance couldn’t get to us as there was a wait, so my dad had to drive us to the hospital 30 minutes away. I walked into A&E with my baby in a towel still losing blood.

We have had 6 months grieving our little boy, we were told by professionals our baby was a boy.

We were told that I had given birth to a baby boy. We called him Archie, had a funeral for him, his memorial is in the name of Archie and we have grieved a little boy. Having waited 6 months already I had to chase information on the post mortem as I was told it would be around 12 weeks (I fully understand the strain on the NHS and knew it might be a little longer). It wasn’t until I had the courage to go to my first group support session with the bereavement midwife that she managed to push this. She informed me the results were returned a number of weeks prior and I should have been contacted. On top of that, the results show that Archie was in fact a little girl. We have had 6 months grieving our little boy, we were told by professionals our baby was a boy. We had named him Archie you can’t just flip a switch to change that.

I’m almost a year on and despite counselling through the amazing charity Petals (NHS wait was too long) and going back to work and putting on that brave face for everyone, I still sob every day. I relive that moment on my own every day. The outcome may not have been different but if they had listened to me and my mother’s instinct something was wrong, maybe I would not have been alone. I, like many other women have been let down because not enough is done to support women’s health. More needs to be done. 1 in 4 is too high of a statistic and realistically it’s probably higher.

It is a word that cannot be understood without experiencing its cruelty.

Whilst I had heard the term miscarriage, I never really understood the true significance of the devastating physical and emotional pain it has on an individual. Now having gone through my experience, I understand why people do not talk about it. It is painful. It is lonely. It is frightening to navigate. It is a word that cannot be understood without experiencing its cruelty.

On Saturday 29th April 2023, not long after our dating scan, I was awoken in the early hours by what I can only describe as waves of pain that intensified minute by minute. As the pain increased, blood followed. Not truly understanding what was happening, I called 111. They advised me to visit A&E due to a potential miscarriage.

I stood, but could not move. I knew my baby was being held from the ground by my clothes.

Upon arrival, I was directed to remain in the waiting area. As time passed, my condition significantly deteriorated and I was in a tremendous amount of pain and very distressed. I was also heavily bleeding which was obvious and becoming uncomfortable to all those around. I wailed in pain, pleading for help, as I felt like I needed to push. My partner visited the front desk 3 times to discuss possible pain relief and after 70minutes I miscarried which coincided with my name being called by triage. Shock hit me like a wave. Though it was chaotic around me, I heard nothing. I stood, but could not move. I knew my baby was being held from the ground by my clothes.

A nurse asked me to sit down, but knowing something large and warm was in my underwear, I trembled I couldn’t. The nurse then walked me through A&E to the nearest toilet. Whilst being in the toilet, I held the sac with the fetus inside, in its complete entirety, not knowing what to do. I looked outside for the nurse but she had gone. I waited, holding the warm sac in my hands, knowing I had lost our baby. When the nurse turned up, I asked her what to do and she came back with a container.

I then returned to triage, still soaked in blood. I waited for a consultant who examined me with my partner’s phone torch as she didn’t have the appropriate equipment. She was short and abrupt and told me my cervix was still closed and hopefully the baby would be ok, despite already passing the full sac. After I explained I had passed the sac in its entirety, she said ‘no baby, you will need to do a pregnancy test in three weeks and if it’s positive ring this number’ and she handed me the early pregnancy unit contact details and left. Soon after, a nurse asked to take my bloods. These were done and I was moved to a small area. My phone rang around 20 minutes later – my partner answered and it was the gynaecologist saying my bloods were fine and we could go home. As I was walking out, I saw the nurse who I had handed over the sac/foetus to. I asked her what we should do with the foetus. She said we could send it for testing but … and then she shrugged her shoulders. I never saw our baby after that. To this day, I regret not walking out with our baby. That haunts me.

The EPU were extremely empathetic and could see how affected I was by this traumatic experience.

Days later, I was still experiencing pain, so I rang the early pregnancy unit for advice. They examined me, and told me the placenta had not been passed and spoke through my options. Having shown the nurse a photograph of the sac/baby, the nurse explained that I had a labour like experience as my cervix would have had to dilate for my body to have passed the sac in its entirety, which is why I was in a huge amount of pain. The EPU were extremely empathetic and could see how affected I was by this traumatic experience.

I wouldn’t wish for anyone else to experience what I experienced. It has taken time for me to be able to talk about this, and I believe that whilst we never completely get over our grief, brighter days come when we can talk about our experiences together. We should never feel alone.

Related podcast episode

S8 E32 : First Trimester Loss, Finding your Tribe, and Supporting the Miscarriage and Baby Loss Community

Resources

*Tommy’s miscarriage statistics

How Acupuncture Supports TTC After Loss

Acupuncture is a holistic practice that aims to bring harmony to the body by stimulating specific points along energy pathways called meridians. It does so through the use of tiny, carefully placed needles, which help release blockages, boost circulation, and support the body’s natural ability to heal itself. The mighty acupuncture needles can also be supercharged with the use of an electric current, within an electroacupuncture treatment setting. When applied with a focus on fertility, this ancient practice is shown to have significant impacts on reproductive health of both partners, and emotional well-being.

1.Hormonal Regulation Whilst your body readjusts after a loss, you may experience fluctuations in hormone levels that disrupt ovulation and menstruation. Acupuncture can help regulate the hypothalamic-pituitaryovarian axis (HPO axis), which is crucial for healthy hormonal cycles. Studies have demonstrated that acupuncture can improve ovulation in women with irregular and/or anovulatory cycles and enhance overall hormonal balance.
(Sources: PMID: 10716298; PMID: 2348244)

2.Improving Blood Flow to Reproductive Organs Good circulation is vital for a healthy uterine lining and optimal ovarian function. Acupuncture enhances blood flow to the uterus and ovaries. This supports the delivery of essential nutrients and nitric oxide to the reproductive organs, helping with the healing and repair of tissue following a miscarriage, as well as creating an optimal environment for optimal follicle growth, egg maturation and embryo implantation.
(Sources PMC8158119; PMC6795274; Fertility and Sterility)

3.Stress Reduction The emotional toll of TTC after loss is profound, and chronic stress can interfere with fertility by disrupting hormone production and ovulation. Acupuncture is known to reduce stress hormones such as cortisol, and promote the switch to a parasympathetic – your “rest and digest”
(Sources: Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine; PMID: 22499825)

4.Managing Inflammation Inflammation can be an often-overlooked barrier to fertility, particularly following a miscarriage. For some individuals, recurrent miscarriage may stem from immune system imbalances or inflammation, which can hinder implantation and disrupt pregnancy progression. Acupuncture, with its well-documented anti-inflammatory properties, can help regulate immune responses and reduce inflammation. By promoting a more balanced and stable environment within the body, acupuncture supports overall reproductive health and enhances the likelihood of a successful pregnancy.
(Sources: PMID: 34992414; PMID: 35832528)

5.Providing Emotional Support Beyond the physical benefits, acupuncture sessions provide a space for emotional release and connection. For many, each session becomes a safe and nurturing space to process emotions, rebuild resilience, and regain a sense of control during what can feel like an uncertain and chaotic time.

Acupuncture Is a Journey, Not a One-Time Fix

It’s essential to approach acupuncture with patience and an understanding of the body’s natural rhythms. Egg development, or folliculogenesis, takes approximately 90–120 days. To optimise fertility potential, a minimum of three to four months of consistent acupuncture is often recommended. It is also essential to highlight that fertility is a shared journey, and the health of both partners plays a crucial role. Acupuncture supports reproductive health for both women and men, offering a well-rounded approach to improving outcomes.

The Importance of a Holistic Approach

While acupuncture in itself is incredibly powerful, fertility challenges often require a combination of strategies. Integrating functional medicine, nutrition, lifestyle adjustments, and counselling with acupuncture forms a comprehensive plan that addresses every aspect of your reproductive health. Key Components of a Holistic Fertility Plan:

• Functional Medicine: Advanced testing can identify potential obstacles like hormonal imbalances or nutritional deficiencies.
• Nutrition: Personalised dietary recommendations support overall reproductive health.
• Lifestyle Modifications: Reducing stress, improving sleep, and incorporating gentle exercise can enhance fertility outcomes.

Why Choose Fertility Support Trained Acupuncturists?

Fertility Support Trained acupuncturists stand out for their specialised knowledge and integrative approach. Trained by Naava Carman and part of a global network, these practitioners blend Eastern and Western medicine, combining evidence-based treatments with the wisdom of traditional acupuncture. What Sets Them Apart?

1. Expertise in Fertility: Fertility Support Trained practitioners are equipped to handle complex cases such as recurrent miscarriage, secondary infertility, and conditions like endometriosis.
2. Evidence-Based Approach: Every treatment is grounded in research, ensuring that the most effective techniques are applied.
3. Educational Focus: These practitioners empower patients by explaining functional test results and offering insights to help them advocate for themselves with healthcare providers.
4. Collaborative Care: They often work in integrated clinics, ensuring a multidisciplinary approach to fertility care. To find a Fertility Support Trained practitioner near you, visit Fertility Support Training.

To find a Fertility Support Trained practitioner near you, visit Fertility Support Training.

Empowering Yourself on the Journey

Acupuncture is not a magical fix, but it’s a meaningful step forward in understanding and supporting your body. By combining acupuncture with functional medicine and an integrated care approach, you can feel more empowered and in control of your fertility journey. If you’re ready to explore acupuncture as part of your TTC plan, start by finding a Fertility Support Trained practitioner or an integrated clinic that aligns with your needs. Remember, you are not alone, and with the right support, you can navigate this path with strength and hope.

About Life + Lemons Acupuncture + Integrative Health Clinic

At Life + Lemons, we specialise in women’s health and fertility, providing compassionate, personalised care for individuals and couples. When you come to Life + Lemons, you’re not just booking an acupuncture session—you’re stepping into a compassionate space where we understand the unique challenges of miscarriage and recurrent loss. Our team is here to support your healing journey, offering care and hope as you navigate this deeply personal experience and look towards the future with renewed strength.

After struggling with body image issues, recurrent miscarriages, and years of self-doubt, Emma, one of our brave warriors, shares her transformative journey of running as a way to embrace self-care and self-love. Battling with her body’s perceived failures, she found strength through the running community and the power of perseverance. Emma is currently taking part in our Run 10K to Raise 10K fundraising campaign and discusses just how amazing the campaigns WhatsApp community has been at keeping her going. Read on to learn about her path from self-doubt to self-love and the power of community.

Never saw it as a form of self-care until after I started trying to conceive and subsequently experienced miscarriages.

I can pinpoint the moment I started hating my body and the way I looked. I was ten years old in a Tammy Girl changing room trying on a strappy vest top with a sequin girl power slogan; I came out beaming ready to convince my nan that this was the top I needed for the upcoming school disco. I had already picked the jeans and was hoping I could talk her into new shoes as well. She looked me up and down and said, “Emma your arms are too fat for that top, try this instead”.

It may have been 25 years since that comment but it has stuck with me ever since. I’ve tried every diet going to make myself smaller over the years and have always stuck to them for a while and then hit a wall falling off the wagon for the cycle to continue repeating itself. In my twenties exercise was a form of punishment for overeating and I never saw it as a form of self-care until after I started trying to conceive and subsequently experienced miscarriages.

In 2020 at the height of lockdown, I like many, downloaded C25K for probably the millionth time. But this time with the mindset of completing it as a form of looking after my mental health rather than my physical health. All was going well until 3 weeks in when I fell over and slipped a disc in my back. I was convinced this was the universe’s way of telling me to hang up the trainers and stick to the chocolate.

If my body wasn’t going to look after a baby then I wasn’t going to look after it anymore.

During lockdown my partner and I were in the thick of trying to conceive and were overjoyed when in January 2021 we finally saw the two pink lines we had been so desperate to see. It was finally our time. I vowed I would do everything right and would make sure I provided the safest home for our baby. We saw their heartbeat at a 7-week scan and had already picked out the colours for their nursery. A few days after that scan our world fell apart when I miscarried them at home.

Coming out of lockdown I started to look after myself again, rejoined a gym and started learning that movement wasn’t just punishment for my body.

We threw ourselves back into trying to conceive. We had a fertility consultation where they kept discussing my BMI. It felt like my body letting me down again despite the progress I was making in the gym and getting stronger. My body hadn’t looked after my baby, and now it was stopping us from conceiving again. After my second miscarriage in February 2023, I knew I couldn’t fall back into the pattern that I did after my first miscarriage. I made the conscious effort to not turn to alcohol and fuel my efforts into healthier coping methods. I joined a local bootcamp which was great for my mind as well as my strength but I struggled with the sprinting activities again convinced that my body was setting me up to fail.

February 2024 saw us lose our 3rd baby. How many more times was my body going to continue to let us down? I was doing everything right, taking a multitude of supplements, regularly exercising, eating fertility friendly foods and yet my body still couldn’t do the one thing I needed from it.

Running? No way – I can’t even run for the bus, why would I do it intentionally?

A friend of mine had decided to enter a half marathon and kept suggesting I tried running as she found it cleared her mind. Running? No way – I can’t even run for the bus, why would I do it intentionally? I don’t have a runner’s body I told her. The other runners would laugh at me – I wouldn’t be able to do it. She turned to me and said everyone had to start somewhere and the running community only want other runners to succeed. I didn’t believe her but I redownloaded the C25K app on my phone assuming it would just sit there taking up precious storage until I got round to deleting it again.

A few months went by and I started feeling myself struggling the way I had after my first miscarriage. My brain wasn’t being kind and it was getting harder to tune out. So, in August last year I finally put my trainers on and on the hottest day of the year I completed the first run of the programme and I didn’t die. My body was doing it and my brain was starting to quieten. At the end of the 30 minutes, I felt amazing but I had tried this before and my brain kept reminding me of when I fell over. So, after that first run, I sent my friend a voice note telling her I had done it knowing that her encouragement would drown out my brain and keep me accountable.

She was right when she said the running community was the most supportive and she became my biggest cheerleader. I sent her a picture after each run and when I fell over, this time in week 4 she just told me I was a real runner now not allowing my brain the time to tell my body it wasn’t good enough. She even came out with me on her ‘Bride to Be’ trip to Magaluf at 7 a.m. so that I wouldn’t fall behind with the plan. As the weeks went on it got easier and the longer intervals didn’t feel so intimidating – my body was doing it and for once I was proud of what it (I) was achieving. I cried when I ran my first 5K as it’s something I never thought I would ever be able to do.

Runners and TWGEEF warriors are the ultimate hype women, and I am so grateful to this challenge for bringing us together.

When TWGEEF announced the Run 10k to Raise 10k Challenge I thought about taking part but I was still only running 5K. Surely my body couldn’t make it to 10? Surely the rest of those running would be proper athletes who could run that distance without thinking about it?   Again, that friend’s words came back to me – other runners only want you to succeed and all these runners are warriors – I could do this. Finally, I was starting to champion my body for what it was doing rather than hating it for what it wasn’t. Since starting the training, I have been amazed at what I have achieved running further and longer than I ever thought possible all while having the lovely warriors support in my phone. The community we have through our WhatsApp group is so inspiring. When you don’t want to run, someone is there to cheer you on, when you get back from the run to share selfies, everyone is there to congratulate you, and when you just want to rant about some insensitive comment, someone has made everyone has your back. Runners and TWGEEF warriors are the ultimate hype women, and I am so grateful to this challenge for bringing us together.